Friday, February 8, 2013

When You Change, But Your Friends Don't

Today's Big Sis Tip comes from our dear friend, Allie LeFevere.  Allie gave us a couple of helpful tips as to what to do when we change, but our friends don't.  Allie is a health and life coach that resides in Chicago, and she has other helpful tips and articles on her site
 Thank you, Allie! You are amazing! 

What To Do When You Change, But Your Friends Don't. 
True friends aren't like clothes -- you don't toss 'em out just because your taste has changed. But you often find as college ends, you mature and reprioritize your passions, while some of your friends still want to party like it's Welcome Week, float through dead end jobs and wallow in their drama. So what do you do?  
Step into their stilettos for a minute.  Change is scary -- especially, when you're not the one doing it.  Your exciting and evolving life, may serve as a reflection of who or what they're not.  You're making it happen, while they're stuck, scrambling or paralyzed with fear.  
So ask yourself these questions: 
Are they supportive of the new you?  If so, then awesome!  Maybe they just need a little nudge in the right direction.  And remember all those nights they were there for you, while you wept into your pillow over a breakup?  Well it's time to return the favor -- they might want to jump aboard the change train, but don't know how to ask for your support. 
Are they critical of your changed ways?  Then talk with them about how that makes you feel.  You're a mature woman now, right?  Well, that's what mature women do -- they have honest conversations, even if they're uncomfortable.  Tell them that you love them and although your interests are no longer similar, that you'd love their support and respect. If they're not receptive or don't honor the new you, then cut the cord. You don't have space in your life for negative people. 
Are they the same good 'ol friends they've always been?  Then love them from a far. This doesn't have to be anything drastic or sudden, you just have to acknowledge that where they are on their journey works for them, but not for you. Their priorities and interests aren't your priorities and interests and that's perfectly okay. I have a few best friends from high school that I've grown apart from over the years and now our relationship consists of the occasional phone catch-up, our once a year girls' trip and holidays at home. And when we see each other, We. Have. A. Friggen'. Blast. There's nothing wrong with having "fun" friends, but save your quality time for people with whom you have more in common with now, can relate to on a deeper level and confide it. Naturally, you'll attract new friendships on your wavelength. 
To read more articles from Allie, go to

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